If you know me

Then you know about once every 6 months to 1 year, i lose it, completely. Waterworks, erratic behavior, all around unstable. ALot of young men I have dated have tried to help me through those times, which I appreciate. But they never quite said the right thing. For the first time in the 8 years + I have been coping with this someone, who I thought shit was going down hill with (my perspective on reality becomes very warped, I want to yell at parents of children I want to kick-- an usually I'm a NICE PERSON) BUt finally, being with someone who is going through alot of what I'm going through, hell thats why COlin and I do work. I just felt so hopeless. And I heard the best thing over the phone today, the very right thing I needed to hear: Its alright, we'll get through it together. I will be there any way I can for you, and you will do the same for me.

I was finally able to exhale. Not without tears, but I have made a really big life choice I'm not ready to talk about, and when I thought we might be over, after being SO depressed this past week, I heard the most reassuring incredible thing I could possibly hear.

We really are meant to be. Right now anyway. I needed someone to save me like that. I'm making some changes many will judge and look down upon, but I cannot wake up everyday to, the sun that says each morning, "Fuck you Sandra, hope you enjoy another pointless day at a university you fucking hate. Now heres slap in the face, get up and going, class at 12:40 you fucking itdiot" yea keep up the pain. Right, I have a new plan. I'll let you in on it when I am comfortable with my future, damn okemos for jading me, along with my own imbalanced mind.